WOW - It's Been Over a Year

Over a year since I last posted, that is.

Stolen Idea

Yes, this has been done over and over and over and over again. But Roger asked "what else do you have on your iPod?", so I thought I would throw down a random 10 (in the order that they appeared.) Plus, it's an excuse to give Roger another hottie picture.

So, without further ado - Frankl's Random iPod 10!

1. Bugle Call Rag - Benny Goodman and his Orchestra
2. Vice - Grand Master Flash & the Furious Five
3. Death Letter Blues - Mickey & the Heartbeats
4. Speak My Language - The Cure
5. I Know My Baby Loves Me - Red Knuckles & the Trailblazers
6. New Speedway Boogie (studio) - Grateful Dead
7. Second That Emotion - Grateful Dead
8. The Big V - Big Audio Dynamite
9. Hurt - New Order
10. Truly Alone - Insane Clown Posse

Hottie pic:

Florida Trip

I waited to blog about my trip to Florida to visit da_Pickl at the end of September because I wanted to publish my photos using iWeb on my Mac. I wanted to see the possibilities of the program.

So, here it is. There is a photos page and a blog page. Check it out and tell me what you think.

Florida on iWeb

UPDATE: OK Roger. Here's your hottie picture...

40

UGH

I always start out my birthday listening to "Birthday" by the Beatles from the White Album. I have been doing that since freshman year in college. It might be stupid, but I like it.

I look out the window to confirm what I already know: It's raining. The weather always turns on my birthday. In the past, it would frequently be the first signs of snow of the season. Now that the climate is growing warmerm, I have been getting mostly rain. My mom says it is because I was born in a Nor'Easter. She also says she can always tell it is my birthday by looking out the window.

I sit at 40 twice divorced with no girlfriend. I guess I'm OK with that. I also have a 'roid that is still bothering me and frequent back problems. And I am a big fat piece of crap. I guess I'm OK with that too. My job is starting to really suck ass - I'm not really OK with that. If I had more money, I might have decided go through a mid-life crisis. As I don't, I'll just keep truckin' on.

I'm going to Florida next week to visit my friend Da_Pickl. We'll be seeing George Clinton one night, seeing Son-of-Hender, her husband Todd, and baby Kate another, and Florida hotties the rest of the time. There WILL BE NO hurricanes. I can't wait.

That's it. Here is a hottie picture for Roger (and me):

OW! (Or How I Celebrated Colorado's Birthday)

So at the beginning of the month I had this medical problem. I know Roger wants to know about it, so I will explain what happened. My apologies to my other reader. Just scroll to the end for what you are really here for.

It all started on August 1st. I went to work all constipated - didn't crap a bit. sometime around 10:00 I got that "Here comes a fever" feeling. I went home at about 11:30. Just after I changed my clothes, the chills hit me like a scorned trailer-trash fat chick on The Jerry Springer Show. I laid down and tried to sleep between alternating fits of uncontrolled shivering and mind-numbing sweating. I checked my temperature after a few hours of sleep. It was 101.8 degrees. My bad fever broke at about 6:00, and I just lay vegging on the couch, watching TV and searching the internets.

The next morning I still was having on and off minor fevers. I was also finding it incredibly painful to take a shit. Only a little bit of thin, whispy craplets were coming out. I called work and told them I was going to work from home. I worked at my kitchen counter because it was painful to sit down. I slept on and off while working and throughout the night.

The next day I was still crapping poorly and getting a fever on and off, so I went to the doctor. Of course, being a butt problem, I had to get the finger probe. He thought it might be my prostate that was causing my problems. Of course, to determine that, he had to poke it repeatedly. "Does that hurt?" he asked. "Only because you keep poking it!" I replied.

I had to pee in a cup so he could rule out my prostate. Well, I couldn't pee in a cup. Nothing was flowing, probably because my prostate gave me the big "fuck you!" after being poked repeatedly.

Anyway, with no piss evidence to rule out my now angry prostate, the doctor consulted his father (They are a father/son office. The doctors are great - tons better than going to a freakin' HMO.) They both concluded that I either had a prostate infection or a bowel infection. I was prescribed Cipro.

It turns out that while I may have had some kind of infection, I for sure had an internal hemorrhoid (which would explain all that anal bleeding I would get periodically for the last 10 months.) How do I know this? I know this because the next day my internal hemorrhoid became a strangulated hemorrhoid. I gleaned this from doing some research on Wikipedia:

* (I84.3-I84.5) External hemorrhoids are those that occur outside of the anal verge (the distal end of the anal canal). They are sometimes painful, and can be accompanied by swelling and irritation. Itching, although often thought to be a symptom from external hemorrhoids, is more commonly due to skin irritation.
o (I84.3) If the vein ruptures and a blood clot develops, the hemorrhoid becomes a thrombosed hemorrhoid.

* (I84.0-I84.2) Internal hemorrhoids are those that occur inside the rectum. As this area lacks pain receptors, internal hemorrhoids are usually not painful and most people are not aware that they have them. Internal hemorrhoids, however, may bleed when irritated.

* (I84.1) Untreated internal hemorrhoids can lead to two severe forms of hemorrhoids: prolapsed and strangulated hemorrhoids.
o Prolapsed hemorrhoids are internal hemorrhoids that are so distended that they are pushed outside of the anus.
o If the anal sphincter muscle goes into spasm and traps a prolapsed hemorrhoid outside of the anal opening, the supply of blood is cut off, and the hemorrhoid becomes a strangulated hemorrhoid.

For some great hemorrhoid pictures, go here

I think the REAL clue, though, was the fact that there was a little nub outside my asshole and it hurt REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD!!!!!!!!!!

I spent all day Friday and all day Saturday in severe pain. I felt I had to shit constantly, and when I would attempt to, I would break out is bad sweats and whine as I attempted to crap in mid-air.

I wasn't eating, and had no desire to eat. My body probably didn't want any more pressure down there. I was sleeping on and off those two days. Every time I would cough or sneeze I would tense up from the searing pain from my ass. You don't realize how much work you asshole puts in preventing you from shitting yourself every time your body is busy doing something until you have the kind of hemorrhoid I did. Three Cheers to the healthy asshole! You do a great job.

I think my pain can best be described in song:

My Asshole Was a Burning Ring Of Fire
I'd Sit Down, Down, Down
And The Pain Would Flame Higher

And It Hurts, Hurts, Hurts
That Ring Of Fire
That Ring Of Fire


--With apologies to the late great Johnny Cash and June Carter

Sunday morning I was laying down watching TV. I had to fart, so I tried. That is when the hemorrhoid burst. There was blood and goo everywhere (YAY couch covers!) but the pain was gone. And it was a HUGE relief that the pain was gone. I can't explain how much of a relief it was. I am sure it doesn't compare to the relief experienced when your torturer stops giving you electric shocks on your balls, but I imagine it's close.

I bled into the toilet the rest of the day while spending the rest of the time with toilet paper shoved into my ass crack. I didn't care, though, because I could shit at will. I could sit down. I stopped having fevers. Life was good.

I went back to the doctor Monday. He pretty much said "Yep, that's a hemorrhoid." He prescribed some foam stuff that I needed to inject into my ass with a syringe. (Not with a needle - a syringe doesn't require a needle. This is the Hip Fact of the Day.)

I worked the rest of the week with toilet paper up my asscrack, and returned to work the following Monday with toilet paper up my asscrack. I think it is finally healed now.

And that's the story, Roger.

I would like to thank Dr. Pauly and Wil Wheaton for keeping me sane during this process. Ya see, the Main Event at the World Series of Poker was going on during my adventure. When I would wake up in the middle of the night (several times each night) I would check Pauly on his poker blog and Wil (and the other writers - including CJ) on the PokerStars blog for updates and entertainment. I have to say they did a wonderful job. And I would like to thank Steve Jobs for my MacBook Pro - which I kept on my coffee table so I could surf the internets tubes without having to sit.

I Owe Roger (Or - Other Reasons Why I Have Been Missing)

I blame World of Warcraft. It is all that game's fault.

Anyways, I bought a new car Friday. It was my first new one in nine years. Here are a couple pictures of it:



It is a chevy Malibu 3.5 V6. Nicest car i've ever owned. And I got vendor price and 0% interest. Not bad. If only my insurance would go down soon (stupid DUI.)

Anyway... I have three show reviews to do: The moe. and Umphrey's McGee show, the WSP show where I met Pauly, and the Taj Majal, Ratdog, String Cheese Incident show. I got stuck on the moe. show with writer's block (and freakin' life crap) and have been in writing hell since. Look for those reviews soon.
>Here is a hottie picture for Roger, and an additional one because I am so pathetic my mom even calls me Frankl.

My Day Up the Hill

I was playing poker online Saturday (yes, with a few beers in me) and decided to see if my mom and step father wanted to go up the hill to Blackhawk and hit the casinos on Memorial Day. They are dedicated gamblers who try to to to the Riv in Blackhawk at least once a month. They only play the penny slots with the lines (up to 20, I am lead to believe.)

So, not having seen my parents in a while, I thought it would be cool to head up there. I haven't been there since I got into poker, so I wanted to check out the poker rooms.

After they agreed, I called my friend Ramsey. Before he moved to Phoenix Ramsey would frequently head to Blackhawk to play poker. I decided to ask his advice. He said that the Gilpin was the place to play tournaments, as they had a regular tournament schedule. I also asked him about playing cash games up there. They only play either 2-5 or 5-5 poker games - Hold-Em, Omaha and Stud (from what I saw.) I was told that things can get crazy up there, and to play conservatively, as more people call with crap that in a Vegas poker room.

I then went and checked the sebsite of the Gilpin Casino. As it was Monday, the tournament was a $40 shoot-out. My parents were scheduled to pick me up at my place at 8:00 (what did they think this was - a work day?) and that fit neatly into my plans of getting up there early enough to enter the tournament.

The pickup went smoothly, and we arrived at the Riv at about 9:20. My parents being "special people" or whatever they call it at the Riviera, took me to have breakfast at the buffet. I had sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, a half-rind of honeydew, and some toast. It wasn't too bad. I then took the shuttle up to the Gilpin.

I was told over the phone that I could sign up at 10:00, when the poker room opened. It turns out that this was incorrect information. Sign-up would begin at 11:00 or so. However, if you sat down and played a cash game, you would get first dibs on signing up for the tourney. I passed because there were only 3 people in the room, so I left and walked over to the sister casino the Lodge to check out there poker room. They had a couple 2-5 tables going there, but they were talking of bumping them to 5-5. So I headed back to the Gilpin, sat at the bar, ordered a beer and water, and pissed away $30 playing video poker. I then went back upstairs.

I decided to sit down and play the 2-5 game. I had never played a ring game in a casino (and only a few times online), so I was a bit nervous. I bought $100 in chips (Ramsey advised me to do that) and sat down. Everyone at the table was nice, and the dude to the right was very helpful. After a couple of initial mistakes (like folding instead of checking on my first hand after posting the blind) I settled down. I got signed up for the tournament, and played until it was time to start. I ended up $22 before stoping to play the tourney.

I didn't do very well in the tournament. I wasn't getting any cards, and the couple times I did, I lost to the 30+ blonde with the pressed together boobs who would play A-Anything. The structure was really fast too. We started out with T4000, with the blinds 25-50. Every 15 minutes the blinds would go up. I made it to the break, but was out three hands after I returned.

There was still plenty of time until I had to meet my parents, so I went back to the 2-5 ring game. This time I bought in for $60 - since the $100 seemed excessive in my tight-conservative style. I ended up $57 that session.

All things considered, I ended up about $18 (which is more than I can say for my parents.) I think next time I go up there I will just play the ring games. While tournaments are always -EV, I think I will stick to playing the tournaments in Vegas and the bars and the home games. When I am in Blackhawk, I will just play ring games, now that I am comfortable with them.

And now here's a hottie picture for Roger: